night train – a haibun

with the click and clack of steel teeth the train chews at the city and burrows deeper, coming face to face with man-made black. we do not shiver and nor do we speak, unwilling to switch off long enough to look around. the station jumps up; yellow, orange, blue, white, bits of red and purple too, some of us cannot wait. we’re already standing, feet ready to take us on a dance from platform to platform, in the shuffling music of panic.

so little room
a woman’s bra strap
against the glass

 

Not sure that something isn’t missing, would love to hear some thoughts if anyone has any!

Found this too, thought it was great

4 thoughts on “night train – a haibun

    • Hi Emma! Thank you, great to have you visit, and really happy that you liked the ku. I often find it tough to add the haiku without repeating images etc from the verse section

  1. I like the details and movement of words. Strong images. The structure feels too blocky and I’d suggest breaking it up into smaller stanzas. Unless the structure is a part of this poetry form…? Is the haiku at the bottom a part of the form? Not sure. Please excuse my ignorance.

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